As a doer of all the things I can get a little sidetracked in my eagerness to explore and research something new. But as many of you can no doubt attest to, sometimes the rabbit hole is deep. And we can even get a little lost down there.
There have been countless times in my life when I have found myself completely exhausted. Spread too thin by all the things that I need to do. Stretched beyond capacity. How can one woman possibly manage it all?
Then a realization.
I'm in the rabbit hole. I've fallen too far into something and need to back out. And that's hard. It's humbling. And even embarrassing. And even when I realize this, and begrudgingly (and often clumsily) back out of the thing that has sidetracked me, I do it AGAIN. Because there is always another rabbit hole (or sometimes I get myself stuck in same rabbit hole multiple times!).
Wandering around inside the darkness of distraction is disorienting. How did we even get here? How long has this been going on? We are completely out of line with where we hoped to be. We search around for the light that might lead us back out. And after we emerge back at the start, a little disheveled and dejected, we're left a little whipped. Tail tucked and looking to redirect. Seeking to restore our confidence and salvage our self-respect. But we can get a little stuck here sometimes, can't we? Having to back up and admit that we can't do it all makes us feel inadequate. Even though just the moment before we had listed all the reasons that we needn't be doing everything -- we still feel guilt when we make the decision to go back to basics.
There is no shame in this. Truly. We are meant to strive, to reach, to fall short and try harder or try differently. But how do we recover from this falling again and again into things that leave us "pouring from an empty cup?"
We must align our GOALS with our SOULS
We are bound to empty ourselves into bottomless pits of pursuit over and over again if what we are pursuing is not aligned with what is meaningful and life-giving to us.
And in order to cut the fat we have to ask ourselves some hard questions:
Whom does this serve?
And is this how I want to invest my energy?
Can we just agree that we have finite resources, friends? There is only so much of us to go around. So who/what gets the gift of our time? We need to get picky. Are the things you're pouring yourself into filling you up as well? Because if the answer is "no" you'll end up joyless and exhausted. Maybe resentful! And you'll be robbing yourself of the joy you deserve. So stop pouring! To live half-alive is also to live half-dead. And I want you to be fully alive, my friend.
You are going to meet a lot of people (A LOT) that tell you that in order to be successful you have to do x. But let me tell you, you won't be successful unless x aligns with your soul. Unless it restores you it can destroy you.
It is not our destiny to change
-- to become someone else --
it is our destiny to grow.
You cannot authentically be a round peg if you are a square peg. But if being round aligns with your soul (and by this I mean well-rounded, not rotund) then your growth will sand those edges over time. But if you are designed to be square (and it is hip, after all) then your growth will be in seeking and finding a square hole!
Friend, be patient with yourself. Ask yourself the hard questions. Empower yourself to stay in line with your soul's goals. Choose freedom from rabbit holes (or the strength to see one when you're in it and back yourself out of it), guilt-free.
You are a force of nature, a powerful and beautiful creature to behold. Don't get stuck wandering around in dark and disorienting places looking for your path.
Boldly pursue the goals that align with your soul.