This has been on my mind for quite some time. 10 months to be exact.
See, I have a different view of 2020 than most. Earlier this year I had essentially dedicated the year to growing in Discernment. As a result of that commitment I have moved away from nutritional and exercise coaching; I have been forced to see relationships for what they are - rather than what they had once been or what I wished them to be; I have minimized and then altogether deactivated and deleted social media from my life entirely. In essence, Discernment for me has been a pruning away, a shedding, if you will, of the old in favor of the new.
This process has not been clean, easy, or painless. But it has been liberating. I feel lighter. I have more clarity (sometimes). But I still struggle to recognize how I am to connect to others. I look around and see a world that seems foreign and unrecognizable to me. 2020 has put things into focus; and good, bad or ugly, I am seeing things as they are. I am grateful for this year. You read that right, I am grateful!
What 2020 means for Equilibrium
I can't go back. I have retained valuable knowledge and mentorship in health and fitness and will continue to grow in ways that lend themselves to serving others toward balance and wellness but I cannot unsee what I've seen. Instead of Halloween being a time of make believe and celebration - the masks have come off and people are visible for who they truly are. And once you see it you cannot pretend anymore. I can't continue to ask the world (of health and fitness or otherwise) to make room at the table for me. No. I choose instead to flip the tables and start anew.
This blog may take on a new name to match my new mission. I have not concluded yet what that may be. But I have understood that I have pruned away to the root of a truth that I do not hear others promulgating and I feel compelled to share it. I don't know if that will be here. I don't know what form it will take. But I know it will be jarring and uncomfortable. I know that it will cause others to prune me from their lives. I know that it will decisively place me in a convenient box that others may wish to put out on the curb. And I'll do it anyway. (Hey, didn't I write a blog about that once?)
I am a Cross-bearer. Galation 6:14 says, "As for me, may I never boast about anything except the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ. Because of that cross, my interest in this world has been crucified, and the world's interest in me has also died."
There is freedom in that. If you, like me, have felt left out or set apart, if you've felt "other..." If you, like me, cannot stomach the notion of following a specific denomination or any political party... If you, like me, have ached for belonging, not in the identity of race or sex or man-made affiliation but in Whom created such a hilariously and tragically messed up human race and loves us anyway... if you, like me, have seen the world running toward the "wide gate" and it made you stop in your tracks... if you, like me, spend hours steeped in contemplation and research wondering how we have gotten things so wrong (my go-to phrase is "Humans gonna Human")... If you, like me, want to point others to THE better way...
If you, like me, are all of these things - or even one of them, then maybe you are my people.
The masks are off this Halloween. And reality is a bit more spooky than fiction. But I'm glad for it. I prayed for it and dedicated my year to it. Discernment. Sound judgement. Wisdom. Understanding. And I feel confident, secure, and emboldened to face the future. I hope you are too.
And if you aren't then reach out to me, I like real people talking about real things. I like messy people talking about messy things. I am not an "Influencer" or a "Thought Leader" (aren't those phrases creepy?!) or even a person of any consequence, but I am certain that I've only just scratched the surface of a new way of living that I am figuring out for myself.
I'd like to walk alongside you while you figure it out for yourself too.